Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The Ratchet Baby Mama: Requiem

By B-More Banner   Posted at  6:23 PM   Relationships 5 comments

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. What do you want to change this year? I want to first say THANK YOU to all of my supporters and readers, whether you agree or not, you still support common sense and that speaks wonders for you.


Early December I had the great opportunity and pleasure to write a blog for Mr. G.L. Lambert, author of "Solving Single" and creator of Black Girls Are Easy. If you have not been to www.blackgirlsareeasy.com, after you finish this blog go check it out and support the book as well. He told me to do what I do best, write what I know and I did just that. My post was titled "The Ratchet Baby Mama." What does this mean?

There are a million different titles for these types of women, hell, I was at one time a Ratchet, not because I didn't take care of my kids, but because I had multiple children by different women earlier in my life. Now married, I feel like I can give a little advice on situations like this. I was almost upset at the disrespectful comments I saw, lol. They hated my guts for saying real shit... What I'm going to do today is show you guys some comments and then re-comment. Before I do any of that however, I want to quote a few of my lines.

"As a man with multiple children, 5 to be exact, I realized that there are significant differences in the companies I’ve kept in my past. With 5 children by four mothers it may seem as though I’m the ratchet, and who knows, I’m pretty sure I may have been, but as I got older and more mature I noticed the differences in the mothers and I didn’t have to concentrate on myself anymore, just my actions."

"There needs to be more real men who step up as fathers, but there ALSO needs to be more Spartan Mothers who can co-parent without hostility. It would put less stress on these children out there and give them the real opportunity to spend time with their fathers without attitude and constant bickering."

NOW.... ON TO THE COMMENTS:

Tiff
So...you spread your seed in all these ratchet gardens and want to lecture the mothers out here? You know, the ones who live with the kids every day, take care of those pop up bills, change hundreds of shitty diapers and such? Do you even realize how dumb you sound right now? Parenthood is a 24/7 job. It involves a lot of sacrifices. Dropping in and scratching your "I want to be a good Daddy" itch is not the same as actually being a good father. Giving when you can is not being a good father. Putting folks in super-awkward and embarrassing situations is not being a good father. Asking a woman who you have hurt to numb her feelings, forgo court ordered support and just wait for you to get your shit together is not being a good father. 

Please don't take this as me being a bitter baby mom, or a ratchet. I'm looking at your post from the perspective of a woman who grew up with her father in the home (married to mom) and who is raising 2 beautiful little girls with my husband. You sound like the type of dude who made my single mom homegirls cry back in the day. Yes there are trifling moms out here the same way there are excellent fathers out here. You can come in with these cockamamie instructions for single moms because you weren't around when they were losing sleep, working extra hours and acting as both mother and father during your "ratchet days". 

Little boys are afraid of court. They don't want to put anything down on paper because God forbid you be held accountable later. Real men establish support and visitation early. They fight (legally) for access to their children. They don't just say, "fuck it, I'm out." They don't settle for McDonald's playland visits. If there's something in their lives that gives baby mom ammo in court, they clean it up. They read and figure out their rights. I know this because I saw my brother go through it. His son is 16, he has had physical custody since his son was a baby. Not because bio-mom wanted it that way (she figured she'd collect the support money and send their son to his dad for every other weekend visitation), but because he was faced with fatherhood and wasn't going to let HER set a standard below what he grew up with and what he could offer his child. 

Any man who complains that a woman is standing between him and doing right for himself and his children is not a man. That's a punk bitch.

Now this one here made me realize that people still don't READ... Why is it ok to say "Any man who complains that a woman is standing between him and doing the right thing for himself and his children is not a man?" Do YOU or any other simpleton reading this go through it? Are you the man? Do yo think being put in the situation is something a good man wants to deal with? It's obvious that you don't and if you knew people, you would know this goes on everyday...

msunderstood
Maybe if dudes like you , would stop bustin in every ratchet you meet, and wait for the rite one to come along, u wouldn't be writing this silly azz post. 5 kids with how many mothers and im sposed to take advice from you??? Bahahahhhaahaha!!!!!

Question to the people that read the post on Black Girls Are Easy, Did I ever say I was the perfect father? Never... I just know if we both would have put ourselves in a better situation for our child, we wouldn't have the issue we have now. Who would you rather take advice from? The man that grew up immature, had children out of wedlock with more than one woman, grew up, settled down and tried to correct the issues the mothers started OR The man that grew up in a two-parent household, got married to one woman and had one or two children??? I would think you would take advice from a man thats seen this ridiculousness instead of someone that know absolutely shit about it.

SeaJay
I can kind of appreciate what you're trying to get across here. It's true that co-parenting should be the first priority. Adults SHOULD be able to put their feelings aside and sign on to the greater mission of rearing a well-adjusted child. Still, despite your best efforts I found the article mildly offensive. You seem to place a lot of the burden for maintaining stability on the mother. 

I had a hard time understanding why the less-than-stellar acts of the father weren't really acknowledged. It's true that baby moms behave terribly at times. However, sometimes the anger and bitterness stem from being forced to rear a child with a man who won't be winning any awards for being father of the year. Certainly the mothers are ultimately responsible for managing their emotions, but this would be a bit easier when support, visitation, and involvement are consistent and predictable. 

It is not for me to judge. You seem to have experienced tremendous growth in your life and relationships. Still the fact remains that you left four or five women alone to carry the bulk of the responsibility for rearing children that belong to you too. It seems you were more concerned with your right to experience and dispose of feminine partners than you were the possible consequences of your actions when you were enjoying the sex. 

Finally, as an aside, I'm curious why you kept referring to your partners' ethnic attributes. Just wondering. 

A mother isn't "Spartan" when she doesn't expect and ask for consistent support from the man who fathered her child. She isn't "Spartan" when she sacrifices her own experience to give you unencumbered room to go out and partner with still more women. She is "Spartan" when she accepts responsibility for her role in the child's conception, determines not to make the same mistake again, and commits to creating the best quality of life for herself and her child that is within her power to accomplish. This may include refusing to scream at and curse you. This is not because you don't deserve to be yelled at. It is because it is counter-productive to achieving self-actualization and encouraging the same her child.

Now this is the type of comment I love, a positive and a negative, but put in a way that all people should understand and think about. I also agree that parents should be able to put the feelings aside for greater mission. I believe one of the main points of the post was to let people know this. Coming from a fathers POV, we seem to classify mothers by their attitudes. When a father goes through what I explained in the post, its focus is on that type of mother that wants beef and setbacks in the father-child relationship. In situations like that, for some strange reason, It's never the womens fault, it's always something the father did or didn't do. I don't agree with that.

The "ethnic" attributes of one of my childrens mom was just adding to the story. Nothing ignorant or disrespectful.

ladyj
This was garbage-ur are your own antithesis. A chick with 5 kids 4/ fathers would be laughed off of this planet trying to give any sort of insight. How many keystrokes did you waste attempting to rationalize bullshit?.wheres my regular dude at?

Now this one... WOW. First off, let's say I was rich, and athlete or movie star, which I'm not. They have 5, 6 or even 7 kids with multiple women, however more people are prone to listen to a man with more children that is in the bright lights. Social media or whatever. I'm my own anti-thesis, but I'm the man taking countless steps to making a better future for ALL my children... That comment was bullshit, why? Because your past is knowledge... You take what you have been through in the past to inform others of what they don't need to do. It also shows you what you should and should not do in the future.

Closing, I NEVER EVER said I was the perfect father, however, I am the perfect man to give advice about becoming as close to perfect as possible. I exposed myself for the readers to show them that it's a two way street. If niggas ain't shit, most definitely bitches ain't shit. If you were insulted by the post, read it again. For those that liked or respected the post, thank you and continue to support.

About the Author

W. Anthony is a married business man with 5 children between 4 mothers. I am a writer of graphic novels and Co-Founder of an independent website called unitedfanboyz.com. I look to impress and improve you. I expect you to like and hate me at the same time and I expect to make you laugh.

5 comments:

  1. So how do u handle the other baby mama w/o being rachette cause I can't keep being da so called"bigger person"!!!I hate DAT bitch!!!!

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    Replies
    1. most women, not all could give two shits about "being the bigger person." all you can do is continue to grind and make a better relationship with your child. nothing else matters.

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  2. I have read the post and the comments. I am in a tricky situation: the father of my kids has 5 children 4 different women I being the forth with the 5th child! [It was a dumb move] I feel like my baby father will lead me to the bitter and crazy the blogger spoke of. He wants to be in his child's life but doesn't feel he needs to give me the financial support he should. Instead of £40 weekly he wants to give me £50 a month and then try emotionally blackmail me saying he has four other kids to look after. That is all fair and good but it's not my problem...what does a woman in my situation do? I don't cuss him I haven't stopped him from seeing his child as I grew up in a 2 parent household but what choice do I have except send him to the courts or stop him from seeing his child? And it's really unfair that there is a tendency to undermine looking after a baby it's a lot of hard work so coming that one day a week for a few hours or however long should be even more of a reason to want to not be a deadbeat. :( (I kind of went off on a tangent there ) I'm made the bad guy for taking you to court and you decide I'm the blocker in YOUR relationship yet YOU are the one who is putting me in a position to have to take it there? I guess you can call me bitter...

    ReplyDelete
  3. It never fails. No matter what a woman does, Its HER that is in the wrong. If she gives him chances to do better and he drags her and the child through an emotional rollercoaster she's naive and THATS her fault. If she assesses his behavior early on and determines he's full of shit and deals with him accordingly she's bitter, and that also is HER fault. Did it ever occur to you that you got back as good as you gave in these situations? Men tend to be very dismissive of women they dont love. They overlook their very humanity and then wonder why they get such strong reactions. You say the NY chick decided on her own that you two were in a relationship. So your'e telling me you had no idea she felt this way and never just let her "delusions" go unchecked for your own convenience sake? Dudes are so quick to tell a woman to check her emotions and grow up after being so cavalier about how they"ve dealt with her. You bought that homie. Plain and simple. Yeah, she'll hurt the kid, and herself, but you were just as aware of that possibility when you were sliding up in her as she's supposed to be now. You got 5 different tries to "get it right". Focus on getting these males out here to make better choices than that. Itis not the womans responsibility to make a mans fuck ups easier for him to bear. You think its wrong for women to use the children as leverage. I agree. Its also wrong for the man to do it. If shes mad, fine. Thats her problems. I've seen men out here going to bat HARD against a woman scorned. Thats the price you pay for being lackadaisical with your dick.

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  4. What does all these hood rat ratchet women have in common? Yes, they have children with a shit like you.

    ReplyDelete

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